Sunday, December 28, 2008

Why, hello there! & How To Fit Hyperions, 101

Amidst the black void, a link from past to future. The sheltering wings of the protector...
Adapted from AC4

Chin in hand, I judge the fellow across the holoscreen. He's a Minmatar of the Brutor variety. Just for you, I will upload a picture of his visage here for you now.

His codename, Sir Fourhead, seems fitting in some way, though I can't quite place it... hmm...
Anyways, this fine fellow offered me an equally fine proposition. No, not like that, you dirty dogs. I would invest various amounts of ISK into his ventures, and in return, I would receive 100% of his reapings, in addition to my investments being returned.
As he put it, he was just in it for something called the 'lulz'. I looked up a contract to see how much this 'lulz' would cost, but unfortunately there were no available contracts. Very disturbing.
After applying gel to my hair (it wouldn't stay that way without some help), I accept his offer.

Spinning around on my spinny spin spin spin chair, I am met with a cold stare from a very serious looking man.
As he put it, the Caldari Militia was "getting their ass handed to them by those FOOM bastards." I frowned. I hate the Caldari Militia, but they just killed my Ares (RIP) FOOM killed my Thorax, and whether the man realised it or not, he had just complimented them by calling them bastards. What the hell did this guy want?
So I asked him.
"What the hell do you want?"
After a great deal of sputtering, and some redness appearing on his cheeks, he offered to 'overlook' my status as an enemy of the State and let me join up with the Caldari Militia.
I confess, I almost ended comms with him right then. Before I reached the hang up button, he said something that caught me completely off guard.
"You can shoot shit on gates and stations."
In an amazing feat of agility, if I do say so myself, I diverted my hand from the 'hang up' and 'self destruct' buttons (why the hell are they so close together???) and slammed the accept button so hard that there was an airlock breach on the other side of the station. Then, I hit the hang up button.

Flashback to about a week ago, the event that earned me this opportunity to shoot shit on gates. I am floating about in my Thorax in the fine system of Vitrauze. Three pilots in local, one of them me, one of them a one month old pilot, even compared to me, and another one of those strange fellows who have taken a crusade to deliver dolls to poor innocent children in shitty lowsec stations. Resting about 50 kilometers off of the main planet of the system, around which most belts and stations are centered, I see something on scan.


Battleship, oh shit, gtfo-- wait. There aren't any threatening pilots in local... there isn't any sort of POS gear on scan... it's at a belt... there's a rat wreck?

Wait, what?

Adding one and one, I realize three things that are horribly wrong. First, there is a hyperion solo ratting in low sec. Second, the only viable pilot for said hyperion was one month old. Third, I didn't have enough gel.

I gather myself and scan him down to a belt, my eyes glittering with the hope of one of THOSE kill confirmations. You know, the ones that make you go "Damn, now those were the good old days..." So, I warp in, 20km off of the poor fellow just to see him finish off a Serpentis frigate. A battlecry upon my lips, I burn at him, and get my warp scrambler on him. Turn on blasters... wtf, a neut? Oh crap, this is my frigate killer thorax, oh well, too late now... hobgoblins?! Good god, this could be ugly for me. As I lay into his shields with four blasters, three hobgoblins and two hammerheads, he finally achieves a lock on me, and fire his slow, cumbersome large turrets and looses his medium drones... all of which hit me without fail. WHAT THE HELL? What was I doing wrong? Orbiting at 500m... those big guns shouldn't be able to even come close to me!

Then, in the ultimate 'doh' moment, I realise that I have left my microwarpdrive on, killing my cap and indirectly affecting my health for the worse. What's worse is that he was at half shields, on an armor tanking ship, as I was dipping into structure. Intending on getting my pod out, I spam warp to nowhere in particular. I wind up warping at 10% structure, my drones collected and him at 60% shields. Crap. Epic fail. Normally, that would've been the end of that, but the red haze had overtaken me. I did what I had to do. I //admired// him in local, praising his tank and commenting how I would never mess with him again. I believe that this boost in his ego/confidence was absolutely critical, otherwise he would've been gone. I warp to a station, a dark plan hatching in my head. I completely repaired my ship, and receive a message from someone asking where the hyperion pilot was. I respond with "I don't remember" ((I didn't really)) and undocked with my GCC, warping before the sentries got their chance to lock on me.

I cursed myself as I realized that I had forgotten to change to a proper fitting, but it was too late. I landed at 0 at the planet where I had originally seen him on scan.




He was there, in his now red flashing to me glory, at 75% shields. The red haze once again rising in my eyes, I settled into a tight, mwdless orbit as he expressed surprise in the local channels. I was taking much less damage this time, the explosive damage drones he was using were having trouble with my shields, which held up despite my being armor/hull focused. As the last of his shields finally vanished to my four blasters and hobgoblins/hammerheads, I prepared myself for the real battle to come: breaking the hyperion's impressive tank. That battle never came.

You have to understand, I presumed that my missing blaster and crap drones were resulting in making even the paper thin shield buffer that all armor tanking ships have into a bit of a beast. I was wrong. Oh so horrifically wrong.

As soon as the last of his shields faded away, he absolutely MELTED. In a short moment too fast for me to recall, he was in structure, then, with a great blue explosion, he became a pod and a myrmidon almost silently adding itself to my tactical overview. I celebrated then, early, as the myrmidon locked me. Well shit.

I died.

But I killed a freakin' Hyperion in thorax solo! I promptly checked the fellow's fitting on my kill confirmation, and I almost facepalmed my left hand through my forehead. In case battleclinic's layout disgusts you, I'll provide you with his... choice fitting here.

[Hyperion, Failures.]
Thermic Plating I
Large 'Accommodation' Vestment Reconstructer I
Internal Force Field Array I
Auto-Gain Control Tracking Enhancer I
Mark I Generator Refitting: Diagnostic System
Cross-linked Bolt Array I

Quad LiF Fueled I Booster Rockets
Large F-S9 Regolith Shield Induction
Large F-S9 Regolith Shield Induction
Large F-S9 Regolith Shield Induction
Large C5-L Emergency Shield Overload I

'Arbalest' Siege Missile Launcher
720mm Prototype I Siege Cannon
720mm Prototype I Siege Cannon
200mm 'Scout' I Accelerator Cannon
200mm 'Scout' I Accelerator Cannon
200mm 'Scout' I Accelerator Cannon
200mm 'Scout' I Accelerator Cannon
Drone Link Augmentor I

Capacitor Control Circuit I
Capacitor Control Circuit I
Semiconductor Memory Cell I